Laws...who needs em...Texas

This weeks lucky state is Texas.....A recently passed anti crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.....I am not sure which planet these people hail from, but I'm pretty sure they have not met many of the criminals today. Just imagining that whole scenario right there....("Well sir the truth is, i am going to beat you to a bloody pulp right after sodomizing you with various objects around lets say eight p.m. tommorrow night.") Yeah like that is gonna go over well with the victim, i am so sure it will be the highlight of his day. You know there is a reason some people should never be allowed to make laws...........

Advice....not really

We have all at one point in our lives gotten it or will soon get it.....the minute we have our first child, our mother, and or mother in law (those lovely ones we avoid upon occasion) decide to inform us of the way OUR child should be raised like they really want the job, but we all know they don't. I just have to say to these lovely advisors that "Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?..........................

A Corner To Cry In......

I loathe when people say "i shall go to my corner and cry". The thing i have to point out is that if you do happen to have a corner to cry "in"....you take Emo's to a whole new level, you are now the God Emo with his own realm of sadness. Not only is that little piece of info a little bit too much information because no one really cares to know what you do in the corner or who you do it with but its also a little neurotic in a semi crazy way. This is an awful thing to say, but lucky for everyone i do not mind saying it. My theory of these people are that someday they will really find themselves and wish they had not............

Vagina rejuvenation!??!?!!

OMG!!! Exactly what is "vagina rejuvenation" and exactly who decides when it becomes unrejuvenated? I'm really hoping its the owner of said vagina (that sounded a little wrong). I am starting to think plastic surgeons have found another way to bleed unsuspecting women of their hard earned money, and lets be honest for some of them it is not that hard. For those who actually believe your vagina needs rejuvenating....People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.........

Laws.....Who Needs 'em.............Idaho

In honor of our lovely court system that sometimes works, its time to explore the many flaws in wacky totally uncalled for, and foolish laws. Choosing a different state each week, this week the winner is Idaho....First off...did u know that in Idaho, fishing from the back of any animal is illegal.....alrighty then. First, exactly what animals do these people fish from the back of????? And what did they do, hitch a ride on the nearest whale?????? ..............

The Likers

They are in your home, at your work, and it may even be you...The "likers" are everywhere (yeah that's it make it sound like a cult). Talking about what things are like but never what they actually are(stupid without details...yes finally its over quick). Seen them in presentations, and we all just glare, but yet we even do it yourselves...it seems like some sorta horror movie that never ends, but yet turns out to be funny when you watch it again. Seriously if the word like is something you use in every sentence or every other sentence you might wanna try picking up a dictionary...your conversation doesn't have to be made up of similes, but if you don't we'll probably still have a good laugh at you, or just be very agitated and think you have mental problems...you know like...you know..like that...ya...annoying.

Pull over...

I decided to go for a run at night to the store to get some orange juice. Nothing wrong with a simple run during the night. Completely normal, or so i thought. As I was sprinting across the street and over the hill of grass back to my room I saw a cop car. He stopped for me to let me pass the street which I ran past him thinking nothing of it until he followed me and got out of his car. and called me over to him. I was thinking to myself"what the hell is going on...i stole stuff last week..i mean". The cop car then ask me" why am i running?" and I responded honestly, because I felt like it and im heading back to my room...and thinking it couldn't get any weirder he asks for my ID...like the idiot I am I was thinking"want my registration to run too?"

Larger than Life

Recently i went to the Tennessee state fair, and i have to tell you about this sign on almost every ride. When i first saw it, i was a little caught off guard because i thought i had just misread it. This was the first time i had ever seen such a thing and it was hilarious and so worthy of my blog, the sign read "Due to the safety restraints, Larger people may not fit. sorry for any inconvenience." The very first thought that came into my head after reading this was "have we become so obese as a society that this is now a requirement and if so....OMFG!!" Its official....we have reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig........

Hmmm

I have to mention some amusing little facts that make you wonder, and have no relevance whatsoever but i was bored....first, Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark or that Debra Winger was the voice of E.T. now that is something i was not expecting. I am sure you are sitting there thinking "great, a history lesson", but trust me you do not even want me to be your history teacher, the things i might teach are most likely illegal. Did you know that the electric chair was invented by a dentist, that figures the guy or gal obsessed with teeth and sitting would be the cruel one.......

Not That...Again

Damn you technology that doesn't work when i tell you too...yes we are back to talking about technology mayhem to were you want to break your machines. However i did see something rather interesting the other day. You know your machine doesn't work,and you've tried many ways to try and fix it. Yet even though you may think you have tried many ways to try and fix it. Turns out you've probably only tried three ways just you tried them over and over again. If it doesn't work the first time,especially with machines, it probably wont work the next billion times you try it. See now this person is a testament to saying that two heads are better than one. In this case, one would have been better than none.........

Super Freak

I am a die hard star wars fan BUT.....there is a limit to my love of the trilogy unlike some people i could mention.You know who I'm talking about. You might have seen them , they are the ones at the science fiction conventions dressed like Darth Vader. Sadly its true, there are people like that, and the funny thing is they think they look fine (that is what they get for doing their own thinking). Can someone please tell them the truth or maybe call the fashion police. I dare not mention some of the extremes to which they go for it might put humanity in a lower pit of humility than i dare wish to put it.............

Whose Army Are We Feeding?!?!??

You have realized your fridge is empty and that it wont conjure you food. you've gotten that step, but now you have to go fill your fridge back up. Well ever heard of the "warning" don't go shopping when your hungry?. You probably should listen, might save you a few 20 dollar bills that you can use for the insanely high gas prices. Ive seen my folks get tons of stuff that i ask them, are you ever going to use that? ( If you knew my folks, you would realize the list of idiocy does not stop there) I mean, my mother doesn't cook but yet she buys all these ingredients as if she is a gourmet chef, and that most of it we just threw out because it was rotten and now decides she needs to buy it again.The main thing we end up using is the bread, and yet we only buy 2 loaves and have to go back to the grocers when our bread is gone in like a week or less. (Living proof that there is no vaccine for stupidity)......

Not Now Im Busy......

I have to mention some peoples ummmm uh .....strange relationships with their computers. Its like its their sick mother whose on a hospital bed that they cant leave her side. God forbid if the computer actually caught a virus. Their way of living as they know it will be in ruins and they will hop on it faster than they'd probably hop onto anything else like paying bills or taking someone to the hospital. And yes it has happened before...i know someone who didn't want to take someone to the hospital because they were on their computer. Talk about an attachment issue problem, They say space is a dangerous place . . . especially if it's between your ears! I am guessing their right.........

No Stairs Please

Stairs are really keeping shiny these days. I mean how many people actually use them? Why use them when we can use the escalator. Oh yeah, the escalator,our savior of moving up a level in the building. Because who wants to go up the stairs? Actually the funny thing about this little tidbit is then everyone wonders why AMERICA is becoming obese. Gee i wonder. Do not worry people, your not stupid, just possessed by a retarded ghost................

At The Movies

Has anyone else maybe noticed some of the asinine, and total crap that movies have taught us. The little things we would not know without the movies like its ALWAYS possible to park in front of any building you are visiting or a detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty, and looking at it that way kinda gives them a bad name. You can ALWAYS find a chainsaw when you need one, yeah OK like if you don't own one, you will certainly find one lying around. My absolute favorite is that it does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, you have plenty of time because your enemies will patiently wait to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. That is so considerate of them not that it would ever happen in the real world. Perhaps ideas such as this are to serve as a warning to others that stupidity really is painful.....

Yummy

I do realize this is a silly question that everyone has probably heard before but have you ever wondered......Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat? Look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" Or opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy! All of these things are wrong on so many levels when approached in a such a way. When over thinking these kinds of things, it makes you see mankind in a not so flattering light although sometimes i am not all that sure there is a flattering one......

"Grave Appeal"

Due to the graphic nature of this post..parents please be advised that some of the material may be inappropriate for certain viewers. I am just as open minded as the next person but i have witnessed an appalling practice that certainly gives new meaning to death like i needed new meaning to it. This is not a new thing by any means for i have seen many people do it....Why do people take pictures of their recently deceased relatives in their casket? While i do realize that people want to remember the deceased, i would think you would want to remember them in a happier setting. People that take wakes to such an extreme make me think.... As an outsider, what do they think of the human race?............

Oxygen Please....

This is probably a totally inappropriate subject to broach but i was at the pediatricians office one day with my child when i overheard a conversation between a mother, and her daughter. Now your asking yourself, what is so abnormal about that. Well nothing, it was the topic that caught my attention. The daughter was about three years old, and was holding her private area and her comment to the mother was "mommy my who who hurts".........OK my first question is did she teach her child to call her vagina a "who who"? Exactly who sits around and thinks up these names? Do they have nothing better to do? Is there life on their planet? or oxygen?.........

Babysitting At The OK Corral Part 2

Yes we have finally come back to the perils of babysitting.....And the baby has grown a little to your horror. Thinking you will outsmart the baby this time by staying biting distance away from its teeth as you have seen, now have the ability to pierce skin and cause small blood droplets that may cause you to faint (a little blood and you faint, obviously a male lol). So staying on top of the couch to were the baby is circling you trying to get on the couch so it can commence its attack. After a while you do the one thing you should never do...and you do it again!!!! You divert your attention elsewhere. away from the baby circling you as you underestimate the child. Once you turn your attention something goes soaring through the air colliding horribly into the back of your skull. As you wince at the pain....before you can figure out what it was other objects are being flung at you and you duck behind the couch for cover wondering were the barrage is coming from. Once the artillery has been exhausted you take a chance to look up and once your head pop up a large Lego block hits you in the face and you find out the baby was throwing its toys at you. You get angry again, the baby cries, and now...you have a mess to clean and probably need an icepack. Baby:2 Babysitter:0..........

Brushing

I don't believe it, i was sitting down and i saw a guy brushing his hair like every 2 seconds. It isn't that people brushing their hair in public is a problem, but this is what really got me. He only had about a millimeter long hair. It wasn't long and i just couldn't figure out for the life of me why on earth he was brushing his millimeter long hair. I mean is there knots in it? i don't think his hair is long enough for knots, and how does this guy know he is having a bad hair day? I have long hair but i don't even brush as much as he did that one day than i brush in a whole week. (OK just to clarify there are two writers on this blog and this statement was obviously written by the fat lazy one lol)..........