Something Resembling English

Holy cookie dough Batman someone please tell me why do we bother pushing one for English??? we still get someone that can't speak it???. I completely understand that there are people that exist that speak different languages, i just do not understand when you work with a mostly english speaking public that you cannot attempt to learn something resembling it. People i am not fluent in gibberish and i doubt i shall be anytime soon. People better watch their P's & Q's before I start handing out F's and u's!.....

Caps Lock

We all have them so do not deny it...those things you really hate because they get on your last nerve. I have several pet peeves and one of them is the whole "internet" bravery thing because let's be honest most of them are cowards hiding behind a computer. Oh wow. You're gonna fight me over the Internet? What's the worst you can do, caps-lock my ass? We have all met them at some point and you instantly know their cowards in disguise. Yes people your secret is out, the tribe has spoken. Its almost like everyone is playing a part on the internet these days which in itself is quite disturbing...therapy much???...i am still not sure how the hell they manage it because i fail miserably at one person, fuck being two.....

Just a sayin.....

Don't you hate some of those silly sayings that you hear everyone say and eventually end up saying yourself....like "its always in the last place you look" now i do not know about you but my thinking is of course its in the last place, who finds something and then continues to look!?!???. Or the "words can't hurt you" i say if you think words cannot hurt you then obviously you have not thrown a dictionary at someone with enough force. My least favorite is "tit for tat" ok so if it's "tit for tat", what the hell is a tat? and do I really want to trade my tit for it??.........

Winnie What?!?!?

You know i was watching Winnie the pooh today and i realized a disturbing fact....that children's movie/show is obviously based upon psychological problems (think about it)Winnie had an eating disorder, Piglet had generalized anxiety and is wondering where this, "chill pill" everyone talks about, is located and would love to know how to get one...or 15, Rabbit had severe OCD, Eeyore had major depression and is looking for his happy place... for the life of him he can't remember where he put it!, & Tigger had ADHD. i am not sure which is more disturbing, this revelation or the fact that children watch it.......

No Mixers Please!!!

So apparently my neighbor has a low tolerance for alcohol mixed with medication or maybe she has just been swilling the NyQuil, the coughing, sneezing, running nose, sore throat, fever... how did I get in the neighbor's yard? kind of medicine (although i think most people do unless this is a reoccurring thing in which case they should seek out the nearest AA meeting). anyway, said subject is now trying to fly off her porch steps, i think this is going to end badly like those scenarios where someone says "watch this" that always end with a trip to the nearest emergency room. it seems she may be up shit creek in which case i could lend a hand...OK! duct tape, 4 toothpicks, 1 yellow sponge, 3 coat hangers, an apple, 2 forks, a bottle cap, a lamp shade, THANKS MACGYVER! I CAN PADDLE OUTTA SHIT CREEK NOW....i got this covered....wish me luck!!!!

Alarm Dilemma

Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clocks broken and Im wide awake. Not sure who won so i have a dilemma and i would really appreciate your help in locating the person who decided nine minutes was a "snooze"?????!!!??? WTF!!!! i will even allow you to help in the torture of said person if you find them and i believe this is quite generous of me but there is no need to thank me. whoever you are, do not make these good people chase you.....

Hot off the Commode...Read all about it

Yes i have a disgusting yet surprisingly funny story to share with you. Some of the names and places have been changed to protect their privacy. As you can imagine what is normal to some is not normal to everyone but i have to say....i do not know many people that want to discuss feces. Unfortunately it came to my attention that a really stinky bowel movement made you warm (i deleted that image as soon as i heard it and i suggest you do the same). Furthermore when you take one in the snow, it steams (yeah because i do not know about you but i am sooo searching for snow just for that purpose). I will conclude by saying i am sure i have offended all your tender sensibilities and in the future i will be sure and continue this practice as i cannot seem to stop but i do ask that if you have to go, please go the other way and lets not discuss it in detail..........

The Watch Conundrum.....

Don't u hate when people point at their wrist when you ask the time as if i do not know where my watch is located...as i stand there looking at them, I'm thinking what planet do u hail from? is there air there? life even?. Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first. i have even been so thoughtful as to write them a letter for their common sense since they seem incapable of the deed, it goes something like this...Dear Common Sense, I miss you please come home, before I do something else stupid. Love Me. this is your letter so please copy and paste and keep your head up pumpkin, your frigging special....

"Emos"

I am not knocking anyone's perception of themselves but i just gotta mention the "emo" label that has exploded into "emo" haircuts and styles, clothes and piercings. Why must we label everything? That is a legitimate question that certainly makes you wonder if it is just not another way for people to make themselves unique ( yeah cause i know i want to be different, it helps so much) See i just said i was on my period but now it needs a label because being different is apparently a trend. I have personally asked my emo friends why they call themselves that and i can report that they don't know so i figured "smurfette" was taken.......

An angel among us.....Not....

Did you see that? Did that child just? No he did not. No way......You know the ones i am talking about, the half demon child that his mother is just gushing over "isn't he just an angel" (no those are not wings you ninny, that's a Halloween costume) . Now i am not in any way saying my children are not mean but i have a double dose of reality for those "my child does no wrong" parents and you know who you are (that is if you stop taking the xanax already). Here is a message for all those in denial, your child has traits and behaviors just like other children in his age bracket (its alive), children will lie, manipulate and demean to further their own goals or to stay out of trouble. I know how disappointing this is for the parents of the angels they believe live inside their children....i say, stop reading so much enquirer already..........

Okay now i know that texting is a growing disease, but now it has branched out into
the military apparently....there are these things called "texting wars"(makes u wonder what happens to the causalities or POW's, i am guessing the casualties are those deleted and the POW's are still in the phone). See now here is my thing about texting, its almost like the elevator although it does make the phone easier per say but it does make it easier to not have to actually tell someone your breaking up with them...no no you can text it.......