Babysitting At The Ok Corral

You are alone; with a baby; in a room taking care of its cuteness when you finally make the one mistake you should never do. You look away or get distracted, and its cuteness slowly creeps up on you and then...IT BITES!!!!!! RABIES? RACCOON? MOUSE? OMG!! BABY JUST BIT MY LEG. You all know the scene, you know the one where you eye each other down like its a gunfight at the OK corral and the baby just drew blood. The gauntlet has been thrown down, unfortunately neither of you can seem to find the damn thing. All of a sudden, the phone rings, the dog barks and the baby cries…..Baby=1, Babysitter=0.………..to be continued…

Duct Tape

Have you ever noticed that there are some people that would be great if they just had their mouths duct taped ……forever? "Omg shut up your so annoying!" is probably a thought that has crossed many people's mind from time to time when you are stuck with a person who just doesn't seem to be able to turn off their constant chatter. Blah blah is all you hear and to top it off they have this annoying voice to boot with the constant babble about blah blah...that means exactly nothing to you. You see their lips moving, but at that point you're already visualizing the duct tape over their mouth…….

Baby talk

What is it about babies that makes a grown man or woman start speaking baby? Is there a sign outside every nursery that says “do not enter unless you speak baby” like it is a foreign language all its own. My daughters theory is that it is because they're cute, but I am of a different mind. At that age, sorry but they are not yet fluent in gibberish. No that does not happen until they themselves become parents of a teenager, and by then I am sure they will have a new understanding of why animals kill their young. But here is an even better question for those “goo goo gah gah “ adults out there…..do you not realize how stupid you appear to others and I can only imagine what the baby is thinking….

Awww Poor Bunny

Easter!!! cant wait for Easter!!!...I love biting chocolate bunnies heads off, even though i really don't know what that symbolizes, exactly when did that become an "Easter celebration". Maybe we didn't like the bunny, and those lovely marshmallow peeps. We probably didn't like those pesky birds either, and of course hunting for eggs. I love hunting for eggs. Guess that's our way of saying get a new life or find one in a literal sense. This holiday has rarely made much sense to me, but bombarding people with confetti filled eggs has been one event i always look forward too...are we saying life comes at you hard? or it comes at you boiled? And exactly whose idea was it to tell thousands of children that bunnies lay eggs?.......

Once Upon A Time

I just have to mention nursery rhymes, and wonder why we tell them to our children when some of them have some pretty violent pasts or made to mock someone. Take ring around the rosy, yeah lets give our child a sing song version of the bubonic plague or the London bridge is falling down, who does not want to tell their child of the many disasters that befell the London bridge or of sacrificing children which is another popular theory of the origin of the London bridge. There is also Mary, Mary, quite contrary which is about Mary queen of Scott who was beheaded for trying to assassinate Elizabeth or it could also of been about Mary I of England also known as...Bloody Mary. And Lastly, Rock A Bye Baby.....here we go, lets put our little one to sleep with their own death......

Road Rage

Why is it that when your in a hurry to get somewhere, you always get behind the slowest person in the free world? You know the one i am talking about, the Sunday stroll driver that makes you want to just drive right over them. Is there no place they have to be or did they just wake up slow? ......And can someone please tell me when we are driving and looking for an address, why do we turn down the volume on the radio? I guess it disturbs our address mode even though it still takes us an hour to find the address so i am not sure it helps.....

An Alibi

Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed or even just died of natural causes? Is there like a worldwide memo sent out saying they better know where they were, it must skip my house. Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi? I am certainly not a certified physician, and fame is like a drug i know but i say if u feel like you need to know where you were at that exact moment....its time to up the medication.........

Pesky Customers

I was delivering food one day at sonic to a customer. The individual, who will not be named for i didn't care to want to know an individual who should remove himself from the gene pool, ordered a sonic burger, a coke, and some tater tots. When i get to his car the individual looks at me and says "is that your 44oz drink?". I told him "no sir that isn't our 44oz drink, you have to ask for it if you want our free upgrade." While thinking to myself...."seriously,does it look like a 44oz?". Then he accomplishes himself to even look more like an idiot by saying "well i thought you would just give us the 44oz since it is a free upgrade". My reply to him was "sorry sir, but some people don't want that big of a drink." while thinking "really now...if you want something you ask for it. we aren't psychic." He then tries to go further into his explanation by saying " we'll if they just get the free upgrade they can throw away what they don't want". Keeping my composure, i replied...not wanting to lose my job, " well like i said, some people don't want the big drink" but what i really wanted to say "Moron! people know what they want and ask for it.Next time i will tell the manager to put AT REQUEST for special people like you". Would've been a lot easier if you just said you forgot you wanted the upgrade. Would've saved you from looking like someone who rode the short bus. Oddly enough...he wasn't the first "special" person to do that.......

All Twittered Out

I have recently noticed something that is quiet disturbing, there is a new disease sweeping the nation. Forget the swine flu, Twitter has just gotten out of hand....if one more person says "i got to twitter that", there might be a social network homicide. People actually pay for this service for their phone just so they can "twitter" things even while at work....i say you might need a twelve step program if you hide in the bathroom while at work just so you can "twitter" what someone just said to you, and you addicts know who you are. Get the help you need people and stop all that "twittering" things like the consistency of your bowel movements because you got some serious issues and you can certainly cancel my subscription.........