You Said What?????>...............

I have a niece who seems to know all the stupid people....literally(shes probably got a personal ad on some dating site searching for them.....could u imagine the wording) . She is forever telling me of their idiot exploits but there is one that tops all others on the idiot scale (and before you ask, no i have no idea what constitutes the scale as i just made it up). Now before we get into this i should say some of this material may be unsuitable for certain viewers ....say the prudes who think some things are "forbidden" or the psychos who think any orifice is supposed to be glued shut and never mentioned. I know every woman knows what a douche is and if you don't.....for petes sake go out and get one because that smell is probably you. Anyway my nieces friend had never used one and my niece explained to her how to use it so she goes into the bathroom for about ten minutes then she comes back out and exclaims "Oh my god, it was running back out" (Darwin award please). Now my question is....is she always that stupid or is she making a special effort? And exactly where did she think it was going to go? Apparently she thinks she has a water retaining vagina (the Venus fly trap comes to mind) that was wrong i know lol...................

Who Are These Kids And Why Are They Calling Me Mom???????

Kids....Kids....Kids....I have a 16 year old boy and i have to tell you ( yes boy child, The universe is laughing behind your back)..his latest rant was the fact that his "groundings" are a conspiracy (his Sherlock mode is set to delusions i guess). Apparently he says that i rehearse everything i say to him (yes i am so spending my free time plotting his demise) and that i am awake every night making a list of things he can be in trouble for (my secret is out, i am checking it off my list). Makes you wonder where kids today seem to get their ideas ( i am guessing their magic eight ball) because if that is what their head is retaining, they might want to rethink the whole thinking thing.......

What is wrong with this picture???!???!?!!!

So anyway i got something for u this time that is so good , it has got to be fattening....i recently watched a unique experience that i can honestly say restores my faith in the human stupid gene. It has apparently evolved and spread like wildfire. It went down like this, a girl tells her boyfriend she is pregnant who in turn decides to tell his parents....things went from bad to worse because apparently his drama queen mother played the "oh I'm gonna faint card" pretty convincingly. After an hour of "your a disgrace" and your life is ruined...the sister came up with another bright idea....not counting the fact that they all say the baby is imaginary and the girl cannot possibly be pregnant because apparently on their planet...33 is the age limit for child bearing. The topper was the sisters bright idea to tell the mother that "its ok mom, he can go check it out and take dad with him"...when did pregnancy become a spectator sport and on what planet do u suggest "checking it out" that involves the whole family.....i would say their not complete idiots , some parts are missing....the brain apparently .....

WTF!!!!

Ok i know i have been MIA for sometime but alas i am back and will try to post once a week ....once a day is a little much for us Crazies so here goes...today i am at my wits end (i say that like i actually had any lol) but the good news is that i have refrained from any killing sprees, shooting rampages or suicide attempts much to your sigh of relief i am sure. Yes you are reading this right, it seems to have gone nowhere and yet your still reading it.

Sit on my lap little children

During the Christmas time of year where we go to the mall and buy presents for our loved ones. Nothing peculiar about that, but then you go see Santa clause who is apparently in this small snowy area surrounded by female elves; Apparently the male elves stay home and are not present, or they are probably hosting a movie in the next state. Then your children want to go take a picture of Santa clause so they can tell them what they want for Christmas. The little children go and this is the only time were this is not only legal, but you pay the man to do it. You pay him to pick up your children and put him/her on his lap while the children tell him what they want, while taking a picture...... Is Santa a pervert? Is that why they must sit in his lap surrounded by female elves? i know there is definitely something wrong with that picture............

Laws...who needs em...Texas

This weeks lucky state is Texas.....A recently passed anti crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.....I am not sure which planet these people hail from, but I'm pretty sure they have not met many of the criminals today. Just imagining that whole scenario right there....("Well sir the truth is, i am going to beat you to a bloody pulp right after sodomizing you with various objects around lets say eight p.m. tommorrow night.") Yeah like that is gonna go over well with the victim, i am so sure it will be the highlight of his day. You know there is a reason some people should never be allowed to make laws...........

Advice....not really

We have all at one point in our lives gotten it or will soon get it.....the minute we have our first child, our mother, and or mother in law (those lovely ones we avoid upon occasion) decide to inform us of the way OUR child should be raised like they really want the job, but we all know they don't. I just have to say to these lovely advisors that "Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?..........................

A Corner To Cry In......

I loathe when people say "i shall go to my corner and cry". The thing i have to point out is that if you do happen to have a corner to cry "in"....you take Emo's to a whole new level, you are now the God Emo with his own realm of sadness. Not only is that little piece of info a little bit too much information because no one really cares to know what you do in the corner or who you do it with but its also a little neurotic in a semi crazy way. This is an awful thing to say, but lucky for everyone i do not mind saying it. My theory of these people are that someday they will really find themselves and wish they had not............

Vagina rejuvenation!??!?!!

OMG!!! Exactly what is "vagina rejuvenation" and exactly who decides when it becomes unrejuvenated? I'm really hoping its the owner of said vagina (that sounded a little wrong). I am starting to think plastic surgeons have found another way to bleed unsuspecting women of their hard earned money, and lets be honest for some of them it is not that hard. For those who actually believe your vagina needs rejuvenating....People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.........