No.....Not You AGAIN!!!!

When your admitted to a hospital, why does everyone there tell you to rest then proceed to wake you up every hour to check your vitals like the twenty machines they have you hooked to is not going to let the entire continent know when something is wrong. Is there some class they take where this behavior is required or is it our turn to be punished? While i do realize they have a responsibility to the patient, there is such a thing as overkill........

What's In A Name

Why do we torture our children with some of the worst names in the free world? Tercel, Mercedes, Shaniqua, Apple, Knox, Ocean, Sage Moonblood, Calico, Scout.....the list could go on and on forever almost. Yeah try getting a personalized item for those names. Not to mention, you have sentenced them to a life of being made fun of which i am sure is just what they were looking forward too..........

Excuse You!!!!!

Why is it that people forget their manners in a public setting such as the local grocery store? Not only do they not move over when they meet someone in roughly a five foot aisle but they will take an item from one end of the store, and decide to leave it at the other end. Yes people that's right, the employees of that particular establishment have nothing better to do than play seek and find. And don't worry about those other pesky shoppers that you refuse to move over for, they are doing just fine standing around waiting for you to buy the damn gherkins already.........

These Kids Today???!!!!!?

Has anyone noticed how disturbingly different kids are today or is that just me? First of all, they are way out of control and the ironic thing is apparently no ones to blame. At the risk of sounding like my grandparents, kids were not anything like that when i was a child and no I'm not older than dirt. When did every child in America become a "victim"? Don't get me wrong, i am in no way saying that there are not any victims, but sometimes it seems like everyone is claiming to be a victim of something. Telling them to make a mental note would be useless as their obviously out of paper. I am not excluding my own children in this...i actually got turned into CPS for giving my child "chores", and my child is the one who made the claim. Here is my thing, I think the biggest problem starts with the DHS/CPS system by tying parents hands, and rewarding people for being lazy. People, as parents, we need to wake up and realize what type of children we are raising and stop letting them make the rules. I am not sure about you but i am not all that keen on "Dexter droopy drawers" being my future...........

Childs Play

When my son was three, he had not only mastered the word "no" but was also able to open the bottle of Tylenol. A feat in which i struggled with, and still do. Why do only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?!! Is it a joke on adults in general or is there really someone we should take a contract out on?? Actually if the genius who came up with such a idea happens to read this....just next time you shave, stand a little closer to the razor if you would not mind.....

The Blame Game

Recently i went over to a relatives house to borrow their internet. I am sitting there typing when i hear the baby crying....keep in mind that this baby is a newborn. Shrugging it off, i am thinking that the parents are in the room with it. Surely you wont leave the baby alone, but after a while it never stops and i begin to wonder, but before i can do anything i see the mother and father walk in the house and hear it then they break into a sprint, and run to take care of the baby. I am just here minding my own business when the father comes to me and glares at me asking me"Didn't you hear the baby crying?", and my response to him was "yeah i heard the baby, but thought you were with her". Seriously i never thought you'd leave a baby alone in the room, and then not only leave the room but leave the house with no one taking care of the child or asking someone to take of the baby for you. Its a little sad that you have to pass a test to drive, but any idiot can be a parent!!! It was almost as if he was blaming me because they had left the baby alone....i think they should be careful and not let their brains go to their head........

Devil With The Blue Dress On?

I like animals just as much as the next person but people i have to ask....what is it with dressing your pet up in the most ridiculous outfits, and the torture does not stop there with some people, the having their nails done thing??!?!! Whoa, hold on a minute ....when did this become OK? Am i the only sane person thinking there is something seriously wrong with this?!? Now my obvious thinking goes to ...if you love your pet so much, why do you make them sit through a nail painting session or stand still while you dress them for the day like you know exactly what the animal wants to wear since they cannot tell you and all. And what about taking your pet shopping.....come on now...first of all, if the stores really wanted your pet in there, would they putting up a sign saying "service pets only"? Second, do you really think the pet actually cares that your taking it shopping....yes i am sure they always wanted to be stuffed in a bag and carted down to the local home depot.....

Supply List

When i went to school, the supply list was pretty basic. But i have noticed as my children move up in grades that it seems they need so much more than any student could possibly ever use in a years time. I realize they have the teachers wish list, but I'm talking about the fact that they need 20 different colored folders when they have roughly seven or eight classes......yes i can see how my child would need to distinguish his red math folder from his other red math folder like hes taking a multitude of the same classes....And since when is math so difficult that it requires a calculator? Over the years, two different teachers have informed me of this notion. In that case, i feel sorry for Pythagoras and Archimedes what with them having to do it in their head and all.........

Pretty In Pink?!?

One day my sister suggested i get a pet tarantula and name it pinky and die its fur pink and dress it up with pink ribbons and a bow, and to top it off, add 8 little pink booties as a hope to make it look less terrifying, that's like trying to dress up Jason or Freddy in a pink tutu. Somehow i think there will be little to no cooperation in that endeavor and i could very well lose a finger, try explaining that one. Although i have to wonder why anyone would want to torture themselves or an arachnid to that extent and i am almost positive the ASPCA would certainly have something to say about it..........

Caller ID'd

Your sitting at your computer screen typing when the phone rings so you answer it not thinking that your going to hear one of the dumbest requests in the free world. Can u call this person to tell them to call me...and I'm thinking...really? You just called me why cant you call them? And their excuse was well, they weren't answering me. Now if someone doesn't answer you its usually because their busy or just really don't want to talk to you. How on earth will it make any difference if i call? Like they are going to have a change of heart at the sound of my voice, yeah i can see that happening because i am just a regular ray of sunshine..............

An Addiction Gone Wrong

Its like 4 in the morning and your walking to get a glass of water... and then you see it..... light coming from the bottom of a door. Is there like some sorta paranormal event happening in there? You slowly open the door, and there they are, where they have been for the last two days..drooling in front of the computer...and your like..omg their on drugs and salivating. Then you realize it is much worse! They are playing an MMO!!!!! This is no teenager either, this is an adult!!! What exactly is the allure to playing an online game every waking moment? Now i understand every once in a while but when you cannot even take the time to go to the restroom or bathe....i would say you not only have a serious problem but you really should not let your mind wander, it is obviously way too small to be let out alone.....

GI Cocktail

I recently went to the doctor and i was given something called a "gi cocktail" which is donnatal, mylanta and lido cane. Not only was it the nastiest thing i have ever drank, but it also numbed my tongue and throat immediately which is why they tell you no eating or drinking for two to four hours after wards, you want to take that advice too. Then the nurse comes back in like five minutes to check on me then she says that this "gi cocktail" has not taken its full effect yet, and i am already in a medicated state. I am laying here thinking .....geesh, is the full effect a coma? should we summon a priest? Do i need my mommy? .........

Memories

My mother recently turned 60 and i can no longer go without sharing this crazy funny thing she does....she will be talking and call out my name, only it isn't my name. She has 5 children and 16 grand-children, and she is lucky if she can guess my name in less than 7 tries. I know she isn't suffering from "alltimers disease" at least that is what she calls it. I often joke with her "that must be why we're divorced, she doesn't even know my name.........

Chatty Kathy

Alright so her name is not Kathy, but my daughters friend is a chatter box that totally reminded me of that "chatty Kathy" doll. I had the unfortunate luck to be the one seated beside her, and there was a couple of times i was wondering where duct tape really was when you needed him. I so wanted to ask....Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?.........

Spectator Sport

Exactly why do people see car accidents as spectator sports? I realize on the freeway that accidents do slow down traffic, but people will actually slow down further to get a peek at it. One might wonder what their hoping to see, if they really wanted to see blood and gore then maybe they should have entered the emergency response field. Think about it, do they really need to drive by a carbeque so slow that they could roast marshmallows?..........

Speechless

Have you ever been talking and then all of a sudden you tell the person in front of you...I'm speechless and then the room gets quiet and they stare at you like you're some sorta weirdo for pointing out the obvious? Why on earth do we say we are speechless...if we are speechless we should remain that way and not insult ourselves by pointing it out. I'm sure people will get the hint when you are speechless or just think your rude. We have all done it but why i say? Why??!! Is there like some crossed wire in our brain or this little inner demon telling us to say we are speechless??! I am thinking maybe i can cut that out although i might want to go to medical school before making too many incisions. After reading that, i realize there is something seriously wrong with me, i should learn from my parents mistakes and use birth control. Wait, i just insulted myself....oh well, no one can say i am not an equal opportunity offender and that offending anyone does not exclude me.......

Perfect Gift????

My son has a theory about what gifts are considered "good"ones for birthdays, unfortunately it makes no sense. Apparently the hundreds of dollars in games, skateboards, clothes and shoes do not count. There are times when i am starting to think that his brain has gone on a permanent vacation. His recent rant was about the "quality" of game he gets, and i sit through the whole thing thinking " Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested."........

Washing Away

Then there is my step father who thinks today will be the monsoon that washes his dirty clothes that he puts outside on his vehicle. Yeah that is right mother nature has nothing better to do than work with his schedule. I can never understand his thinking sometimes, it is almost as if he lives in another world....la la land perhaps. Must be nice, i will be sure to visit him when i need a break from reality.........

Resting Her Eyes

I Love my mother but there are times when i think the wheel is spinning, but the hamster has died. She is almost always in a state of denial, and this is proven when i wake her from one of her many naps. Actually i am not sure you would call it a nap, it is more of a fall asleep during everything affliction. One never knows when she will have a relapse, and it usually includes snoring. She claims that she is just "resting her eyes" but isn't resting just another word for sleeping........

911

Here is something i just had to share, i know someone whose grandmother actually called the operator to get the number for 911. I always joked about doing it but i have to say, i never thought someone would or had actually done it. She is actually quite proud of this accomplishment, i am thinking maybe she needs to get out more. Now i realize the phone can be such a complicated device, but 911 is one of the few numbers that need no explanation. Granted, some phone books are kind of heavy and good help is always hard to find, but i can only imagine the operators reaction to such a call or the thoughts running through their head...."well, ma'am.....its 9 1 1"........

ATM Woes

One day on my way to work, i stopped by the bank and i have to ask why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? First of all, a blind person driving up to an ATM is ludicrous. So OK they could be in the back seat, but seriously people that is wrong on so many levels, remind me not to let my blind aunt go to the bank with you. And for those of you who have tortured the blind in such a way as to take them to a drive up ATM, i have seen people like you, but had to pay an admission......

Waffle Hut

One of my favorite places to eat just happens to be Waffle House and i recently noticed something that i found a little ......strange. Apparently they had to install a 911 hot line phone complete with shiny red color, i am guessing their regular store phone does not get 911 service. Now my obvious thinking goes to: do they actually have so many requests for assistance that they had to put in a speed dial or do they believe their employees so incapable that they cannot dial 9 1 1 on their own?......

Ear Pollution

We've all been there, sitting at a red light listening to the top 40, when it slowly approaches, it starts off as a distant vibration and your thinking "is there something wrong with my car?". Gaining in volume, you notice that the drink in your cup holder is actually rippling. Now your wondering "is this an earthquake or aliens approaching?" when you realize that there is actually a beat and its coming from the idiot beside you. Its one thing to like loud music and don't get me wrong I love almost all types of music, but if i wanted to listen to their music, i would get in their car.....

Watching at work

Jobs, something you're suppose to take seriously.....or....so i thought. Those lovely co workers that take their vacation while at work, too bad they missed the part where their suppose to EARN their paychecks. We all know the type , standing around the coffee pot gossiping and watching the rest of us work. I am thinking they should get a clue but i suppose it's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen......

"Sagging"

There is an evil among us and its called........"Sagging". We have all seen it. You're walking with your family when out of nowhere, you see it, right there in front of you is the culprit with their pants down so far that you can see their underwear and not just the top of them. Its almost as if they think you woke up that morning thinking "gee, wouldn't it be nice if i saw someones boxers today". Here's my thing , if i wanted to see shit stained sponge-bobs, i would join a laundry service...........

The Cat Call

OK I realize you guys might not get this much or maybe you do, but I would be remiss in my duties as a perfectly crazy smart ass if I did not mention the dreaded cat calls, one of the most annoying sounds in all existence. Here is my thing....NO I don't want to see "it" nor do I want your number..... you will not be meeting them and lastly do not try it on the cat. Although...you may have better luck with the cat if your into that kind of thing. But lets just keep that all to yourselves, because I am sure no one else wants or needs that nightmare.......

Ready,Set,Race!!!!..Wait......Race?

I will be the first to
admit I totally have road rage...not the get out of my car and start shooting kind of course. I am smart enough not to carry a gun ,and I take my med's regularly thank you, but I got to say there are some people out there that just take the proverbial cake when it comes to this perfectly rational affliction. The kind that do make you want to turn your road rage into road kill. One of them just happens to be my stepfather, I am not sure he realizes how comical it is to the passengers in the vehicle with him or I am sure he would get right on stopping it. Instead of him finding the perfectly obvious reason for his fellow drivers to be breaking the rules of the road or maybe admit his own fault, no he starts getting all belligerent, and begins spouting racial slurs or any other insult that he can think of which is pretty limited I would say. The really sad thing is that the buck does not stop with him, there are thousands like him. I really don’t see how being of a certain race affects your driving ability, but hey they say ignorant is bliss so these people must be in heaven…